GUIDANCE FOR YOUR LIFE Radio Show
with Hans Christian King www.HansKing.com
and Alfred Ricci www.AlfredRicci.com
Topic: Letting Go of Pain
November 30, 2013
Alfred:
Hello everyone and welcome to Guidance For Your Life. This is the Padawan, Alfred and today's topic is "Letting Go of Pain". So without further ado, I present to you Hans Christian King.
Hans:
Good afternoon everybody. Welcome to a rainy day in western North Carolina. I hope this finds you all in the holiday spirit and getting excited to have all your friends and loved ones around or perhaps you're going somewhere exciting, to a play or movie. But this is a wonderful time of the year. It reminds us how really blessed we actually are. This subject today "Letting Go of Pain" comes out of a perception that says: Something may be wrong. Now I'm not sitting here today telling you that you don't hurt. I'm not saying that there is no pain. What I'm saying is that you can control that emotion by recognizing just a few things. Number one, what if truly there isn't anything wrong? Now Alfred and I have discussed this possibility with you before and got some interesting emails back. "Well, it looks wrong. It feels wrong." That's the mind's perception of what it is. Let's say, for instance, that you may have lost a dear one back to the other side. Your perception is that person is gone. What if that person's energy, love, emotions are actually still with you? And they see you in such terrible pain and they wish they could do something and they don't feel well because they feel they have been responsible for your pain. So I say to you: Pain is a perception that something is wrong. Learning to let go of that perception will ease your pain. Mr. Alfred?
Alfred:
And really the whole purpose of these topics that we did a couple of weeks ago, “That Nothing is Wrong" and this topic of "Letting Go of Pain" is for one purpose - to bring more happiness, more joy, more bliss, more peace into your life. That is the reason that during this holiday season, we're talking about nothing is wrong, letting go of pain. Because in the absence of pain, in the absence of something being wrong, you'll become happier, more joyous, more peaceful a lot easier.
Hans:
How does one change one's perception of what's going on in their life? How is that possible? One of the things you can start doing when pain appears at your doorstep is say: What a minute, hold on here. What is actually going on? Is this pain real or is this emotional? Am I emotionally involved in this? For instance, let's say that your boyfriend, your girlfriend suddenly announces to you that the relationship is not working for them. Now that can be, in appearance, extremely painful. And you may feel some pain, for just a moment. But if you go in and look at it and say: Wait a minute. This is not my problem. This is their problem. I'm going to choose not to suffer this today. I'm going to thank them, bless them for being in my life and I'm going to move on to my next adventure. But dear friends, I know clients who have suffered the loss of a relationship through the way we just spoke about and been stuck in that pain for decades. Years upon years, upon years, asking: Why? How could this have happened? What could I have done better? What didn't I do? What if you found out that for that person, the relationship simply didn't work anymore? That's all. Pure and simple. The same thing with a job. What if one day somebody says to you: You know, we enjoy your work here but we're downsizing and I'm sorry but we're going to have to let you go. Your immediate response is fear. Then you go into anger. Then you start hollering to yourself and just being very angry and emotional. But what if you found out that that pain, that temporary pain, is actually a door to a new beginning? Alfred?
Alfred:
How about we pick on the topic that everybody's dealing with during this holiday season? Family.
Hans:
Well you are...
Alfred:
And all the things that are wrong with your family. And the perception that there's something wrong with your family. And the perception of how the family deals with each other. What makes you think there is anything actually wrong? Maybe there's the possibility that you just don't remember. You all asked to be around each other for a specific reason. Maybe things are the way things are is so to be able to present each other with lessons. Remember last week we were talking about relationships? One of the main part of soul mate relationships are family.
Hans:
Folks, a little FYI. Never side in family disputes. You know this one don't you Alfred?
Alfred:
Yes.
Hans:
Never side. Don't get into the politics of family. If somebody says something about so and so, I say gee: I've never seen that before. Well, I love them anyway. Do something that allows you to not get angry. Sure there are family members that are just going to fry your bananas sometimes. And you think: Oh my goodness how could they say that? Bless them and don't have a judgment or an opinion. Mr. Alfred?
Alfred:
And that's one of the first practices that we're talking about in "Letting Go of Pain", is in the moment not have an opinion, not have perception, don't have a judgment of what's happened in the past, what's happening currently. Just let things slide off you. Now did anything change out there? No. But what changed is you. You are not allowing opinions or judgments to come into your being and disrupt your happiness.
Hans:
Again, pointing out to you, if you will just say: That's not been my perception of that person. That's not been my understanding of their behavior. Do not side with family members against family members. It will only come back to hurt you, every time...every single time.
Alfred:
Oh, I heard the best quote from Buddha that anger is like holding onto a hot coal that you will eventually throw at somebody. Except in the meantime, as you hold onto it, it burns you. That's Buddhist.
Hans:
That's right. So just have a quiet understanding that each and everyone of us are in this life for a purpose. Again I point out that we're not here but accident, we're here by design. When you realize that Spirit doesn't love anyone more than anyone else and God loves us all equally, it's really hard to place blame for something or to get angry at someone that they may have said. And learn this lesson: That who someone is and their behavior are two different things. Okay? That's always been a tough one for a lot of people. People think that someone actually is their behavior. But that's not true. You know, you can still care about a person, you can still love a person, and you can still give a person something, but you may not like their behavior. And you need to make that okay. There are certain perceptions that family members have i.e. mothers, fathers, grandparents that we should be a certain way, act a certain way, do certain things. Once you begin to point out to them: I'm sorry, but that's your expectation of how I should be, not mine. This is really a hard lesson that you teach them. And sometimes the lessons can take a little while. Right Alfred?
Alfred:
They can. And I think in my personal situation I worked on family lessons for 20 or 30 years. And one of the biggest family lessons that I was working on is that you can still care about your family members, you can still love your family members but have no opinion of the outcome of you trying to help your family members. Of course everybody wants you to get involved in this person and that person's issues and that is the toughest thing. One of the main lessons that we teach about being in service is, you can love, you can give assistance, but have no opinion of the outcome. Again, one of the main lessons that we're talking about today is: having no opinion, having no judgment. And one of the main traps that a lot of us got caught in, I got caught in for about 30 years, was having an opinion of the outcome of trying to help family members. If you let that go and just love for the sake of loving, help for the sake of helping, then...
Hans:
Alfred, that's the key right there.
Alfred:
It is. And that's the whole point is to be happy with what you're doing but not inviting pain or disappointment into your life.
Hans:
One of the things I would like to say to you all that Spirit finds very strange is: gossip. They do not understand the phone calls and the getting together for coffee to busy oneself talking about other people. Is that God-like? Is that Christ-like? Would Buddha have told you to do that? No. Defaming someone else when they're not present to defend themselves...Therefore, basically that talking is nothing more than your opinion on a certain subject. It has no more validity than anybody else's. But again, steer away from gossip just as much as you can. And try to have no opinion of anyone. This is where we get ourselves in trouble when we perceive we know best for another person. Look at where you have held onto something from your past and that something may be clouding your present day picture. Your brother may have said something to you when you were 18 years old and you're now 42 and you're still holding onto that "something". Please, that's of no benefit to him, and certainly of no benefit to you. Both of you are not the same people you were then. Realize that no matter how painful it is, you can let go of it. Alfred?
Alfred:
And this is the trick that you can say: But it's real, it's painful and we just say: No, it's your perception. It's your opinion of something that happened to you 10, 20 years ago that is causing you pain in the moment. And what we're saying is not to let go of what happened, but is to let go of your opinion of what happened. Okay? Those are completely different things. Yes, it happened. Yes, somebody may have done something. Okay, they have done something. But the trick to happiness is to let go of your opinion of what happened.
Hans:
That's right.
Alfred:
Your perception that something is wrong. The perception that something bad happened. No, you can just say: It happened.
Hans:
Alfred, that wonderful line that I love in our profession that says: "Not my problem" comes into play here. If you realize what someone is saying about you or to you or you heard that somebody said something...it's really not your problem is it?
Alfred:
No. It's not your problem what somebody did, what somebody said, because you don't fully know what that person was going through. Even your family members. You don't know, really if before you were born you asked that family member to do something. To present something, to say something to you so that you could deal with it in a lesson. You don't know. Thus how could you have an opinion of it? It just happened.
Hans:
If every time somebody hurt you or you hear that somebody said something about you, or someone says something to your face, look at them and say: Thank you but this is not my problem. Now they'll struggle with that and they'll get very crabby sometimes but you're giving them a lesson of truth. It is in fact, not your problem. Again I point out, what someone thinks of you is absolutely none of your concern. But what you think of what they think of you should be very, very much your concern. Nobody, either in your family or in life period, is fully equipped to judge you whatsoever. And here's the key my friends, God doesn't judge you either. Spirit doesn't judge you. The only judging that ever occurs in your life is between your own two ears. That's where all the judging comes from. That's where all the pain comes from. That's where: Oh, she said this, and she said... That's where all if that comes from. Because really and truly if you want to live a spiritual, fun and kind life, the external situations around you have nothing to do with you. That's something entirely different than you. In the middle of a hurricane, you can find a safe place. In the middle of anger and resentment and gossip, you can find a safe place. This was a lesson I taught Alfred some years ago. And I have to tell you he took it to heart. Did you not Sir?
Alfred:
Yes.
Hans:
So.
Alfred:
Sir?
Hans:
Yes, you're the Padawan so I think I'm supposed to call you "Sir" now.
Alfred:
Oh...
Hans:
Sir Alfred.
Alfred:
Sir Padawan?
Hans:
Sir Alfred with a golden voice.
Alfred:
I can see myself on a horse with armor.
(Hans chuckling)
Alfred:
Sir Padawan.
Hans:
Sir Padawan. He's never forgotten that "golden voice" thing. Consider letting go of the perception something is wrong. This is such a key to letting go of pain. Alfred, I think it's the cornerstone.
Alfred:
It is. Because for those of us, for example who have... oh, interesting families that we've spent the holidays with...What is the main thing that goes through our minds? Well this happened when I was 10 years old. This happened when I was 15 years old. And this happened when I was 20 years old. And we've been banging, banging that round peg into a square hole. Remember that lesson: Nothing is Wrong? Banging that round peg into the square hole for years and years and years and years saying: Why isn't it working? Why did that happen? How could that happen to me?
Hans:
By golly, that's the truth.
Alfred:
And we're saying: How about just letting go of the peg?
Hans:
Hello.
Alfred:
Stop banging the peg.
Hans:
Or put the darn hammer down.
Alfred:
And this is really useful. This is really life changing here to say: How do you put down the peg to say: Maybe you don't need the peg. Maybe nothing is wrong.
Hans:
And maybe that peg not's supposed to be in that hole.
Alfred:
Maybe you just need to say: Nothing is wrong. Regardless of what happened. Let go of the perception that something bad happened. Say: It happened. Maybe I don't understand why it happened and just let it go.
Hans:
You know Alfred, once folks actually begin to learn more of about this teaching, when we say to them before they know, pain is a choice... You get a lot of flack from people don't you find?
Alfred:
Yes. Because even in our classes sometimes.... We've had classes with 100 people and every once in awhile you get one or two people that say: You know what? I can't let it go. I choose not to let it go. It's just too important. And we're saying: Okay, but you have to understand you are choosing not to let it go. You are choosing to say, it is important in your life. And that's all we're saying, with all of Hans King's teachings, is just try it. Just see if it works. Say these things are sacred to your life and we say: Well, maybe they're not. Just try to let go of something you hold sacred to your life and see what happens. Worst case is you'll pick it back up again.
Hans:
Right. Here's an interesting concept. Never two moments in your entire life are ever the same. It is impossible to live today like you lived yesterday. It's impossible folks because during that 24 hr. period, everything in the universe expanded. Everything on earth expanded. The weather didn't stop and say, I think I won't do anything today. The earth didn't stop rotating. Taking and cherry picking the things that you want in your life in such a way that you begin to compound a solution of peace and of joy, you begin to let go of what doesn't work anymore, you begin to open up and wipe your slate clean and pick up some new chalks and you begin to say: I wonder, I wonder what will happen if I do this. And then you begin to move forward, on a daily basis, because your perception is that you're not allowing anything to appear as wrong, to appear as evil, to appear as troublesome or worrisome. Remember all the pain that you hold onto in your life you can let go of at anytime. At anytime. I tell the story of how angry my mother was with me earlier in my life. And she just was angry. She was angry at who I was, she was angry at my profession, she was just angry. And one day I turned to her and I said: Nancy, this is not my problem. This is your problem that you're visiting on me. And she said: Well, I'm your mother, you should listen to what I'm telling you. No, that's your perception of what I should be doing. I love you, you're my mother, I will always take care of you. And she said: Well, I don't want to talk to you until you can see my point of view. And that, my friends, was the last conversation we ever had. 31 years later she died. Now, a lot of people say to me: You must have been very sad. No. I know who my mother is and I know inside of her she loves me very much but she had difficulty with some people, some men who she loved very much, one of them being my father who did not live up to her expectations and her father who did not live up to her expectations. So she brought that pain to visit me. And that's why Spirit said to me: This son is not your problem. This is your mother's problems. And I know that many of you out there who are listening to this today can recognize and feel some of that pain. I'm not saying you have to let them go. I'm saying you have to get rid of your involvement in their mind chatter. On this subject Alfred do you have anything to add?
Alfred:
You don't know what your family members...
Hans:
Exactly.
Alfred:
your individual family members are going through. And you have to realize a simple fact. Everybody is just a soul having a human experience. Yes, okay they're your relatives. Yes, okay they're your parents. That does not remove them from the fact that they're going through their own lessons. They're going through their own stuff. You can't put people up on a pedestal just because they're your relatives. A lot of our clients get confused and treat relatives differently than they treat everybody else. No, relatives, family, friends, people you don't know, people on the other side of the world... We are all going through stuff. And we're not all going to be perfect and we're all going to do and say things that are not who we are. No one's perfect. If you're perfect you would dissolve and become Buddha. So everybody's going to do silly things in their life. So remember, just because they're your parents doesn't mean they don't have lessons they're going through. Everyone goes through their stuff.
Hans:
Doesn't matter who you are folks. Stuffs – Stuffs. Okay? And at this time of the year I'm hoping that each and every one of you can begin to realize that maybe, just maybe, you're holding onto some mind chatter that causes you some pain, may cause you some guilt. Let it go kids. Let it go. Alfred's famous for saying: Go outside and look at a tree. Go find a flower. Kind of hard to do at this time of the year, I know. But open up your computer. On my wallpaper I have pictures of my California roses. Pretty spectacular folks I'm here to tell you. And I'll just turn it on on one of those dark gloomy days, and I'll just look at one of those flowers and I'll say: God and I grew this flower. Isn't this stunning? And I look at them every single day. Every day. And I realize how fortunate I am to even see the flower, let alone to appreciate it. So for many of you who are very lonely this particular time of year, who may not have a family to go to, I say to you: Remember something, you are not alone. You are so far from alone you can't even believe it. You have angels, guides, loved ones, old family members near, dear and close to you everyday. You are not alone. Alright Alfred, what do you have to add?
Alfred:
A lot of what we're saying may be new to a lot of people and it may seem a little overwhelming because we're very well rehearsed...
Hans:
We don't rehearse one show. What are you talking about?
Alfred:
We are very well "versed". Not us, but you... All of you...
Hans:
They can tell we don't rehearse.
Alfred:
Yes, we don't practice this. In having opinions, having judgments, having perceptions. Especially those of us who have held onto stuff for 10, 20, 30 years. Where do you start? And what we say is: You start at one moment at a time.
Hans:
With the intention...
Alfred:
With one perception at a time. Here's a good one. You're going to the relatives for the holidays or you're thinking about a relative, a particular relative and all of sudden this one particular relative reminds you of one particular time that causes you pain, anger, sadness. And you stop and you say: Okay, in this one particular instance where there was this one particular relative, let me just say: Hmm, where is this pain and sadness coming from? Ah, I have a perception at that time, regardless of how long ago it was, something was wrong that's causing me to be angry. And then just try it and say: Hmm, I choose, with this relative at that time, I choose that things happened for whatever reason I choose not to have an opinion or perception and I choose to let it go. And feel the difference.
Hans:
And that's the key right there Alfred. "Feel" the difference. They can actually feel it.
Alfred:
Yes. And see in that one instance, with that one relative see if you can feel the difference, see if you feel happier just because you let that one thing go. And that the practice that we're talking about is by letting go of one thing at a time, you become happier.
Hans:
Yes. There's a novel concept. Happy at the Holidays. And okay everyone, that will conclude the lesson for today.
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