“Family and Friends During the Holidays – Handling Differences” - by Hans Christian King Spiritual Radio Show Transcription GUIDANCE FOR YOUR LIFE Radio Show

“Family and Friends During the Holidays – Handling Differences” 

- by Hans Christian King 

Spiritual Radio Show Transcription

GUIDANCE FOR YOUR LIFE Radio Show

with Hans Christian King www.HansKing.com

and Alfred Ricci www.AlfredRicci.com

Topic: Family and Friends During the Holidays – Handling Differences

December 22, 2014

Hans:

So our topic for today "Family and Friends During the Holidays." How do we handle those differences? First of all, you don't point out how wrong they are. Remember, they're entitled to be where they are, and they're entitled to have their opinions. And it's not our job, it's not your job, folks, to try to change them. Mahatma Gandhi once said: Be the change you want to see in the world. So that's what's important. Do not debate your truth. Do not try to convince anybody of your truth. If someone were to say to you: How did you get where you are? How did you become so peaceful? That's another matter. Explain it as best you can without coming from a place that says I am correct and you are wrong. Explain who you are and how you arrived at your peace, and it's from that place that they have an opportunity to grow. Not by lecturing them. Now, if somebody is ragging on you and saying:  You know what are you talking about? You don't know what you're talking about. You know here's the right way and all that... Remember what I've taught you all these years. Well, what do we say: Not my problem. That's they key. And trying to say: Not my problem, without having some guilt attached to it. Right, Alfred?

Alfred:

Yes, because they are family and that's the real issue is how can we spiritual speakers talk to them? Be there for family members, listen to our brothers and sisters, our parent's point of view, and still love them knowing they are on a different path than what we're at. And one of the most basic, fundamental, life-changing lessons is "have no opinion"...

Hans:

Yes.

Alfred:

...have no judgment.

Hans:

In other words, Alfred, I think what we're both trying to say is: Don't make them wrong. Let them have their own belief system. Do not argue your point. Say: Well, I love you and bless you where you are. This will drive them crazy for one thing. But it's very important that you're only there folks to help someone who asks to be helped. That's all. But you're going to have people out there in your family and in your daily life, your friends for instance, who basically are angry, who basically don't understand your point of view, or may be a little jealous of your position, or just who don't get you or just can't see you... and that could be a mother and a father or a brother.. could be a best friend sometimes. But remember something, they're entitled to their opinion and it is not our job to change anyone. Let your light shine that others might see you and where you are and there will be people who would like to be part of that light. But getting confrontational, arguing with people, trying to help, wanting them to see your point of view – that is not your problem. That is their problem. Okay? Alfred, you can remember back when during the holidays, there were family gatherings. Remember some of the dysfunction during those times?

Alfred:

Oh, I'm sure there's so many people out there who remember, or still are going through, who can show up, who's not allowed to show up, and for those people who are showing up, who can sit next to who, who can sit across from who, who has to be separated from who, and actually having a serious discussion about that.

Hans:

Yes.

Alfred:

Yes.

Hans:

You know Alfred, when you first told me that, I have to tell you, I've never had that experience. I was absolutely shocked that your family couldn't let so-and-so sit across from so-and-so and they couldn't invite so-and-so or so-and-so wouldn't come. I was absolutely amazed. And I still am to this day that that is how people would treat this holiday.

Alfred:

But I think a lot of our listeners want to hear about how do you relate to relatives and friends that say and act in ways that are simply not truth - spiritual truth? How do you get along. Especially during the Holidays?

Hans:

Then basically you don't discuss it. If they wish to push you and they want to be confrontational, your job is to say: I love you and I respect your opinion. That's it. Do not engage them in the conversation, because they are looking to pick a fight. They want their point of view to triumph. And the only way it can is if you agree to it. And if there's no place in you to agree to it, they will give up. Alfred, you have a wonderful statement that you say to people sometimes: I love you anyway.

Alfred:

Yes...

Hans:

There's a lot of power in that statement.

Alfred:

...and that's the thing to do is to just be love, Is just to be caring, is just to be helpful, is just to be there and be helpful, be caring, be loving, be as Hans was saying, inside yourself, be that example. But just not discuss this stuff. You show the example and be the example of what you believe. As much as possible, love everyone, care about everyone, try not to have an opinion. Just smile, just be peaceful regardless of what's going on, who's arguing about what, who's talking about who, your job is to stay peaceful.

Hans:

You just brought up one very important thing, Alfred. People will try to engage you about other people. You, yourself know this in your own family. And they will try to engage you - do you hear what so-and-so did? Can you believe that so-and-so did this or said this about some... Do not engage in gossip about others, children. Because what they will say about others, they will say about you. Back away from it and always say to Spirit: Please bless them. Help them to find their way. Help them to find their light that is best for them. That's what I do folks. And folks I have wonderful clients out there, and you know who you are, who have terrible relationships with a family member. Sometimes that family member has the appearance they're trying to hurt you, trying to take something away from you. Many times because a parent or parents have died, there's an estate and oh my God, nothing tears a family up more than an estate and the rivalry that goes on. Even though you may be the most loving, caring, kind person, there may be somebody in your family who feels it's necessary to attack you and hurt you. That usually comes from a very sad and jealous place inside of themselves. But meanwhile, the appearance is they have the power to really hurt you emotionally. Always remember, no matter how hard it may be in that moment to say to Spirit: Bless that person, help them please, show them where they need to be, and let  the light shine on the subject we are engaged with, that we are involved with. Add the power of the light to it. Sometimes you don't see results right away. But over time, Spirit will bring the light, for sure. Remember light always follows darkness...always, okay? So use this as a time to rejoice the power within you and let the light of the God-force, the light of Spirit to shine upon you. So this is an important time to learn to be peaceful in the appearance of craziness, in the appearance of dysfunction. You know this, right Alfred?

Alfred:

Yes, is not to believe what is going around, not to believe what other people say, not to fall into the trap of getting sucked into "drama." What someone supposedly did, what someone supposedly said, your job as a spiritual soul, is to be "peaceful," is not to have anything that's going on around you knock you off your center. Again one of the most basic teachings we've been going over, especially on this show, is what someone else says or does is not your problem.

Hans:

Is not your problem ever...

Alfred:

...it's if what someone else says or does, does knock you off your center, that is your problem.

Hans:

Absolutely Alfred, that's correct. What someone thinks about you is none of your business, but what you think of what they think of you should be very much your concern.

Alfred:

Or anyone... or your cousin, or your parents, or your uncles, or your aunts or your friends...

Hans:

Yes, it doesn't matter who it is. Exactly...

Alfred:

...whatever anybody says or does...

Hans:

...has nothing to do with you.

Alfred:

...about anybody else. It doesn't even have to do with you, it could be your brother's in a fight with an uncle, it's your mother says something about your cousin...

Hans:

Exactly. You know Alfred, a while back I was talking to a dear lady and she said to me: You know Hans, my mother said this and that about me and only the other day she said: Well, I was right, you're never going to amount to anything. And she said: This has wounded me so badly. And I said: Why? She said: Because of what she said. I said: But what she said has nothing to do with you. She said: Well, certainly, it was directed at me. I said: No, it wasn't. This was not a statement of who you are, angel. This is a statement of where she's at. No, they're two different things. Separate yourself from somebody's else's rage, separate yourself from somebody else's anger or opinion. It has nothing children, listen again, this has nothing to do with who you are. And there are times when it appears that God doesn't see us, God doesn't hear us, the Spirit has abandoned us when these people run amok and start hurting us. But therein is the lesson that you chose to learn. That lesson was to learn to rise above the appearance of the difficulty of the sadness. To be better than to be identified with that sort of behavior. Because again, as Alfred and I are pointing out to you, it has utterly nothing to do with you.

Alfred:

And notice what we're talking about here. Is we're talking about very basic spiritual principles. What we're saying is: Treat your family, treat your friends like the way you treat anybody else.

Hans:

Yes.

Alfred:

The issue that we've seen year after year after year is people think well, they're family, these spiritual principles don't apply to them. Of course they're going to love me. Of course they're going to care. I don't understand why they're being mean. And that's where you get yourself in trouble...

Hans:

That's exactly true. You get yourself in trouble.

Alfred:

...is you apply these basic principles to your family and friends just like you do to  anybody else.

Hans:

You want to talk at this normal level. You want to be involved with them at the new level you've found. But they can't hear you, folks. They can't see who you are. So don't try. If somebody comes out from the shadows and said: I don't exactly know what you're talking about, but it feels good in my heart. Would you mind explaining a little to me? Absolutely, go for it. You can help anybody who asked to be helped. But if somebody has a judgment and then says: Help me. Don't bother with them. Don't bother with them folks, move on. Let your light shine. Let your light show you the way. Because there is no relationship on earth that is more precious to you than you to you. That's the gift that God gave you. Because inside of each and every one of you lies the power of the God-force, lies the power of the Spirit – you are connected at that level – always. And the only thing that can bring you down is your own consciousness. That's all. 

Alfred:

And one point I'd like to tell everyone... Well, what is that confusion, what is the feeling when you get confused to say: Well, they're my family. Of course they're supposed to love me. Of course they're supposed to support me. Of course they're supposed to be generous and loving and kind. And what happens to you in that internal conflict when they're not? What is going on here when you say: I don't understand this. They're supposed to be family and they're not. And so many of us get torn apart because something inside says: Well, they're supposed to be supportive and loving. How come they're tearing each other apart and being mean? 

Let me explain this in a very simple way. For those of you who are spiritual, you will find that inner deep “knowing” that your family and friends should be loving and caring and supportive and generous and always there. Okay? If they, themselves, are not spiritual, then it doesn't apply. However, what it does apply to is your family and friends in Spirit. They love you unconditionally. They are always there for you. They are there to support you and to guide you. And that is one of the hugest benefits of doing Automatic Writing is you form a relationship with those family and friends that you thought should always be there. And that's part of Intuitive Development is to get you a stronger relationship with those family and friends who are in Spirit and who understand: Yes, that's the way you're supposed to behave. You're always supposed to love everyone. You're always supposed to care. You're always supposed to be supportive. And that is what comes through when you form a relationship with your family and friends on the other side. Why? Because they're in Spirit. So if you have that instinct, and you're being torn apart, you have to realize the simple fact - those family members who are not spiritual, are not going to act that way.

Hans:

Alfred, do you remember any number of years ago when you finally heard the message that you are now giving others, for yourself and your family? Do you remember how things began to change?

Alfred:

Yes.

Hans:

When you stopped being hurt by actions from your family? 

Alfred:

Yes, and there's so many things that seem like basic spiritual teachings in this lesson, but if you go through and actually apply them, your life will change and these basic spiritual lessons of: Not my problem. Just be peaceful. Have no judgment of them. Just be loving. Be peaceful. This will change your life. I carried hell with me for 24 years about my family - how they abused me, how they abandoned me, how my life was ruined because of them. And then one day I woke up and said: Oh, that's not true. And all of a sudden, all that hate, that anger, that disappointment - dissolves.

Hans:

Absolutely.

Alfred:

Because it's not the truth. The truth is, it's not your problem, it's their problem.

Hans:

That is right. And kids, when you get that, and Alfred's about as thick-headed as you can get, sorry Alfred...

Alfred:

It's the truth.

Hans:

It's the truth. (Hans laughing) He's about as thick-headed as you can get and for him to get that... I watched his demeanor, I watched everything about him soften. And I watched the anger begin to dissolve. And I watched him have a resolve to not be hurt by this anymore. And folks, for all of you, there's going to be times when a mother or a father, a sister or a brother says and/or does things to you and deliberately intends to hurt you... It could even be a legal action, and deliberately intends to hurt you, defend yourself legally, but don't take it personally. That's the key. Don't let the statement of somebody else disturb your ease, disturb your peace, okay? Alrighty, I think that will conclude the lesson for today.

For more information, you may like:
Active Communication with Spirit 1
Active Communication with Spirit 2