Saturday, May 30, 2015
“The Pain of Lost Expectations” Rebroadcast from October 2014 - by Hans Christian King Spiritual Radio Show Transcription
“The Pain of Lost Expectations” Rebroadcast from October 2014
- by Hans Christian King
Spiritual Radio Show Transcription
GUIDANCE FOR YOUR LIFE Radio Show
with Hans Christian King www.HansKing.com
and Alfred Ricci www.AlfredRicci.com
Topic: The Pain of Lost Expectations
June 6, 2015
Hello everyone. Welcome to the show. Today's topic is "The Pain of Lost Expectations." You know folks, throughout my lifetime in service, there is one recurring theme that is extremely painful for a lot of people. If you listen, everyone, to the questions that people send in, there sort of is a theme. Now what is that theme? A lost expectation.
How do we get to lost expectations? In our humanness, we, from time to time, have a strong feeling in our heart or in our mind that we should know this person or we should move to this place or we should be doing this kind of a job or we should be doing this service work of some kind... And oftentimes, the expectation isn't met.
Let's go to relationships, folks. A lot of people will say to me: But Hans I knew it in my heart. Let's talk about the gals first, then we'll talk about the guys. Gals, a lot of times you see somebody, and there's this tug that comes in the chest and you just feel that you know this person, you just feel you want to have something to do with this person, even perhaps become lovers and partners. And this is very strong, and this is POW! It just hits you so hard. But nothing happens. And the person is very nice to you. They talk to you about their partner or what they're doing, but you don't see a lean in towards a relationship.
What is happened there is, most likely, you have met someone from a previous lifetime. So it isn't just the mind and the heart, the soul recognizes that person. And when the soul recognizes that person, it hones right in, and says: Oh, there's my old friend; Oh, there's my old husband, my old wife... Okay? But what you're doing is, what you've heard me refer to before as "soul crossing." Where you just go by each other to say hello and to be remembered.
But the humaneness of you sets an expectation. And when the humanness of you sets an expectation, because you believe, you tell God you would like a response to your expectation. Even if God, the Spirit, is trying to say to you: Just passing by. You don't want to hear that, you don't want to know that, you don't want to project into this. Because you "know," because you have this "feeling." So this feeling of "I know that person and I know I'm going to be with that person"... A lot of the times comes out of a need to be loved. It comes out of a need to be "seen," a need to be "accepted," a need to be someone's "everything." Even though it isn't to be, for you.
I cannot tell you how many people Spirit and I counsel a week just listening to people talk about they know that this person is to be in their life. And sometimes, no matter what I say, no matter what I do, they don't want to hear it. You might check around yourself, see if there's some things in here that you might be holding onto with expectations that you may want to say: Is this causing me pain?
Alfred, what do you say on this? I always like to bring Alfred in when it's like a deer in the headlight moment...
Expectations are a very difficult spiritual lesson. Yet this lesson can have really profound results...
… in terms of your peace and happiness. Expectation is the mind's view of what should happen, the outcome, in the future. So what you're looking at is getting your humanness, your mind chatter involved as to what it thinks the future should be. Spirituality as we all know is surrendering the future, being in the moment, and letting go of those things that we desire, or our mind chatter tells us we “should” have. And that's where we get ourselves in trouble is when our mind sets us up to expect something in our life and it doesn't happen. The mind has a really hard time understanding: Well, why didn't this happen?
Exactly. And oftentimes Alfred, I'm sure you've found, like I have, that the mind often blames the Spirit or blames God. Why didn't God do this for me? Why didn't God give me this? This is what I wanted. I knew it would happen. And we kind of get ourself into a belief trauma as well.
Yes, and a lot of spirituality is about surrendering. It's about being peaceful and happy in the moment, about being grateful for what you have, realizing that your glass is half full. Having an expectation is that my glass is going to be completely full, or it's going to be more full than it already is. The opposite is: No, I'm peaceful and grateful where I am in the moment.
Very good, thank you Alfred. That's the key right there - being peaceful in the moment. Not setting an expectation. Folks, do you think the Spirit doesn't know what's in your heart? Do you think They don't know your longing, your needs, your desires? Of course They do. But They also know your plan. They have a carbon copy of your dharma. They know where you're supposed to be and who you're supposed to be with. But in the game of life, as we see it, people come by us, who we recognize and we think: Oh, there's my soul mate.
Now let's go away from relationships for a minute and let's go to expectations regarding things that you would like to have in your life - a new house, a new car, a new job... Let's go to job. A lot of times we set our expectations for a new position. If we don't have a job, we set our expectations for a job. But when we do that, we also fantasize into it about how it needs to look so we can be okay with it. Rather than say: I'm available for that perfect job that is for me at this time. Not tomorrow, not next week, at this time. Thank you for bringing the doors for this to me.
We set our statement, and then we add all of these little subtleties to it. And before you know it, what was just getting you a maintenance job for the moment, has turned into this life-long dream of yours to be this or to do that. So, lost expectations come about when we set them. So the expectation happens when we say... Rather than say: I would like the feeling and I would like the awareness of this particular thing... and I would enjoy seeing how this might be in my life and letting it go... and I would say: to my highest good always.
So They get it. They hear where you're coming from. You're not saying you're going to be less than if it doesn't happen. You're already enough as you are right now. You don't need anything whatsoever. You might like the experience of something. And as Alfred would throw in: And here's how I would like to feel in the experience. That's how you set, what we call today, expectations. Where we don't say: And I want it to show up this way, and I need for this person to love me, and I need this particular job... and all these things that we do in our humanness. They're roadblocks. Somebody wrote, Alfred, I don't know who, but they said: "Expectations are limitations." You remember that?
Expectations are a limitation because it is something that your mind chatter created. It's part of ego, maybe it's something that you saw on television, maybe it's something that your parents told you you deserved, maybe you're trying to live up to the Jones or your friends, and unknowingly you set an expectation of "this is what I want in my life" and it becomes a limitation because everything else that comes across that doesn't look like what your mind is telling you you should have, is now instantly dismissed. However, how do you know what is being presented to you isn't for your highest good? A person that may not meet all of your items on your list may be your soul mate.
However, you have an expectation written down in your list of what your soul mate should look like and the Other Side presents you with your soul mate and you dismiss that person. So having an expectation, having an opinion, a judgment of what should be in your life and what it should look like, is an absolute limitation because then you are dismissing, without even a consideration, those things that Spirit presents to you.
Folks, sometimes when we set our agenda, we sort of say to Spirit, taking off on what Alfred was just talking about: And this is how I want it to look, and this is how I want it to arrive. If you have perfect faith, if you believe, then you tell the Spirit what you would like the experience of and that's it... and how you would like to feel. Those two things. I think two-thirds of all the questions that come into this Radio Show are from lost expectations. If you go back and you listen to all the Shows... My gosh Alfred, how many shows have we done now? Quite a few...
Four years... about four years.
Well that's almost 200 shows. And many of you are the ones who are in the pain of the lost expectation. Folks, I'm not saying it isn't painful. But what you don't realize is why would you want someone who doesn't want you? Why would you do that to yourself? Why would you put yourself in that position? And I hear people say all the time: Oh, I knew that they were for me. I knew it. It's their fault. They're not living up to what they're supposed to do. And very rarely, but it does happen, that's true. But Spirit always has a contingency for a contingency for every contingency.
So if you're supposed to be loved at a certain level, you will be. It may not be by this person. But they bring another person in and you'll say: Oh, I'm so glad that I didn't get first person because this person really works wonderfully for me. Letting go of expectations regarding parents... This is the tough one folks. When you let go of the pain and the expectations of the parents, your life gets so much easier. Does it not, Alfred?
It really does because then you stop putting energy towards something that might happen in the future. That's number one is you think that thing in the future will actually fix you. If this happens, then I'll be happier, if this person comes into my life, I'll be better. And the reality is, by letting go of anything that has to do with the future, the past, as we all know also, helps you become more peaceful and happy and blissful and joyful in the moment. Expectations are a reflection of what's happened in our past and projects us out into our future which takes us away from being grateful in the moment. So again, it's a huge step towards your spiritual growth to let go of expectations in order for you to be grateful and peaceful in the moment.
Folks, many of you run on a time constraint. Oh, I'm getting old... oh, if I get much older I can't have children... will she still want me when I get to be 50? We run under this fear umbrella of we're running out of time. Folks, there is no time. Oftentimes when the Spirit speaks to you, They say something, They're saying that person will be in your life, probably coming up next lifetime. Not always this one. So letting yourself simply learn to "be" with “no expectations.” I'm here in this moment, this is the experience I would like to have, I give it to you to do for me to my highest good, and bring those doors to me. Then you're saying: I trust you. I know that this pain in my heart really is self induced.
And one thing in lost expectations, children, never, ever, ever, become a victim or make the other person a villain. I know clients who have made other people villains in their life only because they didn't live up to this person or that person's expectation of how that person would be. So they pre-set the expectation of how it had to be. But the other person wasn't at that spot. But that doesn't make any difference. Because these people say: Oh, but I knew it was for me, there was no doubt it was for me, and I'm coming to stick this out.
One of the biggest things that people do is when they fall in love with married people, or committed people. I know she's for me... I know he's for me... and I know they're going to leave that person... and I know they're going to be with me. What you are picking up is your experience of that person from a previous lifetime and you get confused about this. If a person is in a relationship, you need to honor that and walk away - period. Under almost any circumstance. If that relationship is to be, it will show up somewhere down the road with you having absolutely no expectations and nothing to do with it. Okay?
Now, as you go through your life, there are going to be moments when you see someone or something you would really, really like the experience of. Sit down, be quiet, and say to Spirit: I don't know if this situation or this person is for me. But I am available if they are. I'm available to my highest good. Please show me where I need to be with this issue and drop it. Make yourself, of course, available in your heart. But have no expectation of how it has to happen, how it has to show up.
I know a person, a couple of months ago, who met a person on an airplane. And they struck up a conversation and he was a married person and this girl felt she knew him and she started running all the fantasies and what have you... She drove herself to the point where she had to go to the hospital in a panic attack because he had not called her, when he never said he would. But she knew it, in her heart, that he was going to call. This is what I'm talking about when we disturb our peace, when we disturb our ease. Okay?
So having a quiet awareness that where you... Folks, why do you think Alfred and I talk so much about being in the now? Making this moment right now all there is. I am enough. Why do you think we do that? Because it's only the mind that brings attachments to the peace. The heart doesn't have to. Only the mind disturbs the peace. The heart never does. So when we learn: Oh, I got to feel something, isn't that wonderful, I'm still alive...
The other day Alfred and I were walking somewhere and the wind was whistling and Alfred's dressed up looking like a polar bear, you can't even see his face with the hoodie he's got on, and I'm in a T-shirt. And he said something and I said under my breath: Yes, but at least I have feelings. I can feel it. Isn't that wonderful? Feeling the cold wind on your face, feeling the Caribbean sand in your feet, feeling a smile on your face when you see a puppy... Those are the things folks, that are important.
So the greatest gift you give yourself is to stop expectations and replace them with a knowing and an understanding that Spirit is here for you. They know what is supposed to be for you. Let Them do their work and many times their work does not show up in your expectation. Alfred, what did Mick Jagger say in that song? You don't always get what you want...
… but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need.
There is a metaphysical statement if ever there was one. So where you already are, right now folks, is perfect. Have you ever noticed everyone that no matter how bad things seem to get, somehow you always get through? No matter how broke you are, no matter how poor you may be in a moment, somehow, something happens and you get through? Have you ever noticed that when you've had a relationship you think it's your end-all, be-all, and this person says: I'm sorry it doesn't work for me. Your heart is broken, it's shattered and on the floor. A year later you wonder what you ever saw in the person because you're with somebody else.